older sister files: 2 in the air for the what now?

So im a pretty cool sister i think.... but the last few weeks ive had a few disconcerning convos with my 16 year old baby sister and im starting to re-think children.

It began a few weeks ago when she said... and i shit you not... " connie i think i wanna give this guy a hand job"

.......................... holy.fucking.shit.

So of course i have some sort of allergic reaction to this convo and i start to feel the blood drain from my face. But i dont skip a beat when i say back " why? what the fuck did he do for you" she said " nothing, hes just hot" oh shit oh shit... my sisters a slut.... first its hand jobs and next thing you know shes demi fucking moore in striptease. So i explain to her very calmly " listen you wanna be that girl thats up to you but have a little respect for yourself, a guy earns a hand job you dont get shit for free. It costs hes time, hes energy, hes creative ability to make you feel beautiful before you do him the honors of jacking him off.. but hey you wanna be a hoe its your self worth dude not mine'

and then i walked into the other room and had a mini heart attack.

Then this Saturday she goes to a sweet sixteen party wearing an outfit that made me blush. So i said..." any higher on that skirt and that boys are gonna see your vag" to which she retorts " thats why i shaved it' again i feel an attack comming on but i figure shes yanking my chain and i drive her to the party. On the way she says " all i want is to get fucked up tonight yo" ALARMS are going off in my head but i say " well honestly at your age i had my drinks and i get the allure of getting a little tipsy but you dont wanna be THAT girl at the party so watch yourself, pace yourself" to which she replys " two in the air for the kush connie.. 2 in the air for the kush" did she just say kush? fml she just said kush!!!!!

So i drop her off. In the morning i walk into our shared washroom and smell puke... i see the clothes from the night before on the washroom floor and know instantly that she threw chunks all over her dress.... because ive done it. So i walk into her room and she says " i only had like two shots last night and i threw up this morning" i laugh " dude do i look like a moron to you? i wasnt 16 that long ago.. you fell asleep in the clothes you were wearing last night.. chances are you puked in them first which is why your room and our washroom spell like the washroom at a dirty bar. so really how much did you drink last night"

and then i took note of how her face looked... how under her eyes were smeared with mascara, and how she looked like she wanted to kill herself and i realized that when i was that age, the only thing that stopped me from doing stupid shit over and over was how i felt the next day over and over.  So i smiled and said " you wanna a warm beer or a shot of rum with your eggs this morning?" and as she ran to the washroom to puke her baby stomach out, i knew it was gonna be two shots in the air for that first hangover and i felt a bit better for knowing this was probably the last time shed wanna hug a toilet. Not better enough to decide to have one of these demon children though.... no wonder my parents look so old.