Pessimist

Yesterday from the mind of a pessimist:

5:00am: I am awoken by the sound of creaking in the halls. Like a sleeping ninja, i bolt out of my dream into my eyes, out of bed, and grab a switch blade. Prepared for either a rapist or the girl from the grudge, i wait patiently by the bed. Nothing happens.... so i yell " that's what i thought motha fucka" and get ready for work

6:30am: i jump into my car, pull it out of the drive way.... on my flat tire....

8:00 - 11:00 am : soul sucking zombies in the form of computer screens torture me, they chain me to my desk with my love of money and fear of unemployment...
After lunch-ish: I make a joke about not being 16 and pregnant.... turns out the bosses daughter is 16 and pregnant.... no one laughs.

Sometime around my 3rd smoke break: I ask my co-workers if they had microwaves in the 80s or if they had to warm their food by the heat of the sun...... no one laughed... some offended... i googled it.

6:00pm: i am packed into a silver canister that smells like the back of a donkeys throat, with the rest of the zombie captives.... we all fight for poles to hold onto, and eye the seated passengers. Its war as we shuffle around hoping the one seated in front of us is the next one to get off.... the old ladies are the fastest, but there is no remorse when it comes to seating arrangements on our travel, even the seniors would get clothes lined for a piece of red metal real estate. i don't get a seat and wait the hour out playing musical poles.

7:00pm: i get to my car.... the one with the flat...... i cry a little on the inside... all i want is my beer and to watch The Good Wife... to stare at Julianna Margulies shoes, and Wills ridiculously large forehead. His mother is a hero.

9:00pm: I finally get into the house from the mechanics.... i scan the room warily for spiders. i should save up to fix the car but you know what i want more? BEER! Which is why i ran by the liquor store on my way home.  i open the fridge and  get out the pasta from last night, sit at the tv ready to watch my show.

9:03pm - 9:45 pm My ex calls, not the big ex.. a more insignificant guy in between that i used to forget about the big one.  He tells me he will do anything to be with me again and something about me being a goddess in the sheets.... i agreed... i am a goddess in the sheets, but told him no way ill go out wt him.... im usually pretty nice, but this guy was on my last nerve so i said " even if i was with you i would be wishing you were someone else" he responded " i don't care" its always the ones you don't want!

11:30pm: I get into bed and contemplate if my budget has room for shoes and harder liquor.