Guys. i hardly sleep at all. In fact at this moment im at my desk trying to type on this key board to keep myself from closing my eyes for just a sec, which would eventually lead to me falling asleep dreaming about chris hemsworths biceps, then of course being woken up abruptly by my boss who would fire me and then id go back to living in my dirty house robe crying into my cheetos.... i cant go back to that guys!
Oh why can i not sleep you ask??? let me count the ways:
1. The fear of bugs i have yet to kill keeps my legs twitching wildy every time one of my leg hairs moves slightly. Where are these bugs coming from? are they angry that i have moved into their home cutting them off from their kingdom? perhaps they wish to find a nice warm place to have crazy bug sex and lay eggs all over the house that will hatch in the spring and cause a shit storm!!!!!
2. Why did the man who lived here before paint the washroom green? There are many types of green... forest green is pretty..... but why neon? even if green was his luckiest color.... why did the back of the door need painting? It needs to be changed.... and the light bulbs too... because sitting on that salmon colored toilet while the fluorescent bulbs flicker against the neon green makes me want to start writing REDRUM on all the walls in tomato sauce!
3. I cant use the downstairs washroom anymore.... not after i saw the centipede in it
4. Did i lock the doors? what if im thinking about how i checked them yesterday.... and today i was too busy trying to avoid spiders that i didn't check the locks? and then someone comes in here and kills me and people will say " we told her moving out on her own was a bad idea" and my family will have to avenge my death! or at least they better avenge my death, assholes!
5. When was the cable due again? did i buy tokens for the bus? i shouldnt have spent so much money on my damn hair!
6. I really wish i was brave enough to flip over and sleep facing the closet......
7. I think im doing a good job, but i mean what are the chances that im working at a bank right now? i dont belong in this place!!! ive slipped through the cracks somehow... i dont belong here.... im a creep im a widddooooowwww.... is that what he says? widow? weird.
8. You know what, i dont care if Mr.D has a gf with big titties... why am i still THINKING about this guy... i make myself sick, you should be ashamed of yourself connie, let the asshole be unibrow deep in titty for all i care!
9. I should loose some weight.... ya loose some weight and then maybe shave my legs, you know feel like a woman... For too long i have wasted my days on that jerk and his muscles and hes all like " hey baby you want a piece of my sexy body" and ive been all *drool* and he's been all " let big daddy take care of you" and ive been all " i love you" and he's been all " oh shit gotta go PUT MY FACE IN TITTIES NOW"
10. That dream about Africa last night was weird.... i wonder if i was a little african kid in another life? maybe africa is like the home of my spirit guide?
11. Did i lock the doors?
Your Welcome.
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