that sneaky ginger

* i cant tell you how bad i want to eat this picture

Day 1 of Diet Plan: Try your favourite pair of jeans on and decide either the seams are off... or the fat of too many poutines is sitting on the top of your thighs laughing at you. The army of fat cells have come out of no where, your thighs are under attack!!!!  so you eat a salad and a chicken breast for dinner satisfied that this is war and you will win.

Day 2 of DP: Bring multiple containers filled with fruits, veggies and salad for lunch believing that this time, it ll be different, and you will in fact eat the fruit instead of listening to the music of a hundred hungry hippos in your belly that beg for cheese and the warmth of soft tasty carbs dipped in salt and then deep fried to perfection *sigh*. The fat tries to trick you with its slick words and promises.  Its ok they say,  your young you can eat whatever you want. Remember when you were 18 and you ate pizzas everyday.... you didn't gain a pound... maybe you should go to the doctor this is clearly a medical issue because pizza would never turn against you like that, and neither would we, honest! You feed your angry stomach with salad, satisfied when it begrudgingly holds it down... you have won this round.

Day 3 of DP: You  wake up late for work and shove as many healthy snacks into a bag... you buy a bagel with light cream cheese for breakfast... its light so it doesn't count. You attempt  to eat the multitude of snacks but on the way home you smell Wendy's.... light a smoke... eat the chap stick off your lips... chew some gum... you glare at the little girl with the pigtails. DAMN YOU WENDY you sneaky ginger!! you drive through quickly as though the diet police may catch you. You get a value meal item.... 2 bucks.... if its only 2 bucks it doesn't count. But now you have the taste of grease in your mouth, its too late to save yourself... you fling open the doors of your pantry and eat a tub of sour cream with a bag of tostitoes.... you sigh in ecstasy while your thighs scream "nooooooooooooooo "

Day 4 of diet plan: You bring a salad to work, determined not to fall off the wagon! Marilyn Monroe was a size 14 she could eat whatever the fuck she wanted.. but your not Marilyn bitch... not even close. So you shove the salad into your mouth and snap at anyone that asks you questions... especially the skinny ones!

My thighs live to fight another day.