The Corporate Culture

So on top of not being able to talk to cute boys, i also have an issue talking to my coworkers.

The people i see walking around this big building in Toronto's financial district have this way about them that has me on edge, unable to communicate myself clearly. The high powered execs and "wanna be" high powered execs, have this teeth showing crese deepining smile that must have been practiced, they have this good natured chuckle perfectly timed, whether the joke is funny or not they wait for the punch line and there it is.... it could even be just an observation "cold outside today eh?"    "Ya Ha Ha Haa" 

My Dad, being a CEO, has the same fakey smile and the same 'good humoured chuckle'... its always made me a little quezy to hear him put it on. Its like a front, keep people thinking he's this  "serious but kinda approchable" guy, the way he switches from serious to chuckle mode looks exhausting.

Im not that person, i dont think my brain was made to conform to that type of quick but appropriate wit, that well mannered smile while you pass another in the hall way, the upper inflications and memorization of names. The type A persona, the stress one feins when such and such a system shut down.... like i care if the systems down.  Doesnt it hurt your face to pretend your enjoying the small talk? or that you find eachother at all funny?

Sometimes i find myself in the midst of this coroporate culture, like a deer in the headlights. Once the handshakes and the chuckles begin, i start to have some strange allergic reaction. My body starts to jitter, i tap my knee, i cross and uncross my legs, i tap my finger nails to the Lone Ranger Theme song "da ra run, da ra run, da ra run run run" I start laughing at the wrong moments of the conversation, i fold my arms in front of my body, i unfold my arms.

I begin to say things without being able to stop "oh did you know that this building was built in 1942 wasnt that the same year the Japenese bombed pearl harbor? isnt it weird how one end of the world people could be building, while on the other half people are getting bombed?" or "did you know pocahontas was a real person, i was pocahontas for Halloween once, i hear aboriginals are having some sort of strike this week, poor people" and the good humoured chuckles slow from a "hahahah" to a "ha...ha...ha?" they have no idea how to respond, i should have gone with the usual " cold out there today eh? well looks like winters commin *ba boom cha*"