A group that would have me as a member..

So i was watching Annie Hall last night, its the first time i watched the entire thing uninterrupted. I don't really understand Woody Allen's humour so when im watching one of his movies i end up with this feeling that im missing the bigger picture.

But last night i noted something he says right in the first ten minutes that struck a cord with me " my problem with relationships is that i dont want to be part of any group that would have me as a member"

thats exactly it! i said outloud, "you get it woody! you get it!"  When someone says "i want to be with you" i think... "really? cuz im kind of neurotic, i overthink everything, i over react to the things i over think about, im stubborn and exhaustingly needy at times. you sure you want to do this to yourself? cuz im really not sure what kind of a person that makes you if you are" and then i decide to end the relationship...

Because i dont want what i already have, that cant be good enough, its what i cant have that offers gold.

When i was a kid i had this evil step grandmother i called Zia (aunt).  One day as im eating some candy, i see her putting this bar of chololait in the back of the highest cabinet of our kitchen, where she hid all the good stuff.

 I instantly wanted this chocolait more then anything,  i probably wouldnt have even noticed it if she just left it somewhere out in the open, but because it was out of my reach this chocolait must have been something special, it must be the best chocolait i was ever going to taste.

So i abandon my candy, get a chair, climb on top of the counter, and devour the whole bar of  goodness only to find that it wasnt as awesome as i had bigged it up to be. 

I didnt understand what all the fuss was about after i got caught standing on the kitchen counter stuffing a bar of chocolait in my mouth. Turns out it was exlax, yup i ate an entire bar of exlax and ended up sleeping on the toilet that night.

This should have been a lesson to me, to be careful of what i want and why i want it,  because what seems like gold may just end up being shit when i get to it.