Random Thoughts on the drive home

*somewhere in a town north of Toronto a blue chevy drives up the winding country roads. The only lights on tonight are coming from her chevy. Her box blonde hair blows in the cold canadian wind and as she pulls on her cigarette it begins…. the calling that all women are born with… she slowly starts to over analyze everything*

...... This radio announcer sounds the way i do during phone sex.

...... if you catch yourself staring at a pair of tits are you a lesbian? or is it just wishful thinking….

......…  what bugs me is that society told me that being a women meant boys would open doors and id get out of speeding tickets.. society LIED

..... AH stupid potholes, you know what makes me crazy, theres always construction up here and the roads  still looks like shit.. what exactly are you guys fixing!!

….. ew i can feel my blubber bouncing around right now

.... I've really gotta go on a diet.. can you believe the victoria secret fashion show comes on around christmas, thats malicious!

…..  I'm going on a diet I'm just gonna eat my broken dreams, that should slim me out

...…  id bring the roast we had for dinner for lunch tomorrow but i found a hair in it.. but whose hair was it, like if it was my hair id still eat it.. thats just where my standards are right now

.....  you know I'm really pretty funny. I mean i get a few laughs… i could totally do stand up, i missed my calling, my dad was all " be responsible go to university, get a degree in anything except anything i don't like but if you like it and i like it then do that because any other ideas that you have that i haven't pre approved are stupid… theres no particular reason why they're stupid other then i said so" I COULDA BEEN SOMEBODY PAPA

..... maybe their just laughing to be polite? pfttt please im fuckin hilarious.

...... My throat is killing me

......  what if its throat cancer!!!

..... God if your listening, im going to the doctors, if i don't have cancer i will never smoke again!!

... hahahah that family guy episode with the women whose throat is a Pez dispenser.... hilarious

....... what would happen if i just quit my job and moved to europe

…. what if i get fired!!! i mean ya I've been slacking a little bit but i work to live i don't live to work!! what if thats all there is, like a little sheep to the slaughter i just sit there and type nonsensical words, i photocopy data, i smile and nod at numbers and figures that don't mean anything so i can retire 25 years later maybe they'll break the bank and give me a card as a going away present so i can remember all that time i waisted staring at a screen and honing my bullshitting skills, and my biggest achievement will be that day i can't remember in the boardroom that doesn't exist when i said the right thing and my boss said "good job" KILL ME NOW!

...... OH SHIT i forgot to pay my phone bill

..... im an idiot! what if im actually like a little retarded. i stepped on an air matress with heels on the other day. only someone mildly retarted would do that right?

.... they always thought patrick was the problem child... what if its me and I'm just a really good actor

....... did i forget to put a tampon in? noo............ wait...... no im pretty sure its in there..... ya! ya its there.

..... OH this the street where the ghost of some dead girl sings happy birthday or something. or is it you sing happy birthday and she appears next to you

.... OMG what was that!! dont think about dead girls on country roads.... do. not..... oops ran the stop sign!