The single life

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!


This news years was spent being the 13th wheel, meaning that all 12 people i spent ringing in 2011 with were all part of a twosome except me. It was also the first new years since 2007  that i didnt have someone to kiss when the clock struck 12.

I really just had to note that so you could all understand why in some deep pocket of my mind, the couple drama that went down made me sigh with relief. I know its wrong to be relieved when someone  is telling you how much they want to kick their boyfriend in the balls, but seriously people!! its about time i got to be the one saying   " aww its okay sweety, im sure it will all work out"  while really thinking "you two are fucked"

The more time i spent with these couples,  the more i noted that there are definitely rules to being a couple in public, because an audience to your drama is always unforgiving.

Have you ever been witness to a couples dysfunction?  uncomfortable as shit eh? i mean for both sides. Everyone who bears witness becomes an expert, a therapists and a psychic. They cant wait to say " oh i know exactly what you mean, me and blah blah do that all the time." or " oh i give them another 2 weeks tops"

They want to bond over that drama, they want to feel that their relationship isnt THAT bad, and they want to see you loose your shit too so that  their last transgression seems less disconcerning.

Don't get me wrong, as i sat there watching one couple after another toe the line of washing their dirty laundry out in the open, i became that therapist, that expert,  that psychic.

I know your all thinking, " Seriously Connie?  your relationship went down the shitter." And you'd be right. In fact its more like it got dropped from the CN Tower and sped up so much on its way down that it burst into flames until there was nothing left when it hit the bottom <--  i should write emo break up songs
But because of that my thoughts came  from a new set of eyes. It wasn't "if i was in a relationship i would..." or even " well me and so and so dont do that" it was more like " been there, fucked up, and if you dont get your shit together  this is going to get so much worse"

I mean the mascara running down your face while your throwing shit at your boyfriend who is ducking behind a couch  worse... not that thats ever happened to me.... obviously.

And so the list below are the few rules that weren't followed this weekend that i wanted to share with you. Tell me if you agree, if you disagree, and if you have any  "being a couple in public"  rules that you think i should add.


1. It is not your job to make sure your significant other is  sober. Seriously, if they haven't broken something or told everyone what the sex is like, then no one has noticed that they are drunker then everyone else at the party. So go get drunk yourself and stop policing them.

2. You are no better then anyone else. Hard to believe but your shit stinks too. So its never right to say things like "your an idiot" or " you talk too much" especially when its done in front of people. Not only have you made that person feel as though they aren't good enough for you, but now everyone thinks YOUR the one who talks too much.

3. You don't own anyone but yourself. If someone walks up to your girlfriend and asks what direction the gas station is, its embarrassing for everyone involved if you  put your arm around the girl, stare the guy down, and answer for her. You are not her voice, and news flash dude acting insecurely is not a turn on, it  makes us want to yell NEXT!

4.  Don't announce " omg you always do that" to the room, its no ones business what he/she always does or any of our business that it pisses you off.  And if your going to have a discussion about what you do or don't like about each other in front of me, let me know in advance so i can get front row seats to the fireworks. 

5. Everyone saw you stalk out of the room in anger. Dont expect to be followed or begged to come back because no one wants to follow you out of a door that just got slammed in their face. If you do get followed, expect to get reemed out for being a brat.

6. Dont try to get back-up from the room in the middle of a confrontation with your boy/girl friend. For example,   " That was so rude, don't you guys agree?" even if someone does agree, no ones going to put themselves in the middle of your shit  to tell you so.

Ahhhh well i had an awesome weekend for me inleast :) !! and on another note to all the Canadians : really 7 degrees in Ontario on New  Years eve? i call global warming!!