" Papa was a rollin stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home, and when he diiiieeddd all he left us was alllOOOnnee"
I sing this song when people ask me where I live; it reminds me of walking around aimlessly with nowhere in particular to call home.
Now I know this may be a negative way to look at my situation, I could instead think, “well actually I have two homes" instead of "I don’t have an actual home" but let me explain my outlook.
A few years ago I was at my dad’s watching some television when my little sister complained that she wanted to watch her show. Well, I had worked all day and she had sat on her ass all day, so I told her once my show was done she could then watch hers. At this she responded, " how can you even have a say in what we watch on this T.V. this isn’t even your house, your just a visitor"
okay, now I know she was 12 when she said this, and she was pissed because she wanted the remote control more than anything that evening, and as 12 year old girls are prone to doing she snapped by saying something hurtful that she couldn’t take back. But it stung all the same, and it was because I knew those words were true.
It’s true I am just a visitor, in both homes. I have missed countless moments at both, I have missed family dinners at both, and I have missed holidays at both.
I was at my mom’s when Nicole said her first words and I was at my dad’s when lizzie took her first step. I’ve missed family outings and new year’s parties, which thankfully my dad recorded for me so that I could watch the fun later.
I am hardly in any family videos or pictures on either side; it always seems that I am at the other house when the camera comes out.
Yesterday I was on facebook and I was creeping my sister Alexas profile when I noted that under "siblings" I wasn’t there, Nicole was there, her half brother Aaron who she hasn’t spoken to since he was 8 was there, but I wasn’t. So again as much as I would consider her my sister, she is in fact not related to me. Just like as much as I would claim that both houses were mine, they are in fact not. They belong to the people who wake up there every single morning, and grow up with that same family every day.
My Mom went on a mother daughter excursion a few weeks ago, with herself and lizzie. Teresa went on a spa weekend with the girls, Nicole and Alexa attended. So where in all of this do I fit in?
Now please dear reader don’t misunderstand me. I have no anger or resentment built up regarding my situation. Its not a bad one or a good one, it just is.
This post in its entirety is intended to just shed the shit, you know what I mean? I am trying to show you the real deal here; I am not sugar coating the facts any longer. The fact is I live at both places, but don’t live in any place in particular.
This is the way it’s been for years, I completely understand and accept my family situation. They have always shown me love, and I wouldn’t trade the joy of having so many people that I consider family in my life, for all the money in the Vatican!! I really wouldn't!
This is just the way it is... I am a rolling stone... I’m okay with that.
Friday, September 3, 2010
Two Bedrooms + Four Parents = Rolling Stone
Posted by Constar at 9:27 AM
Labels: me, mia famiglia, rant
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
I know what you mean with the whole blended family stuff. However your love for your family blood or no blood relation is heartwarming. I however do not have the same feelings towards my blended family, at least not all members of it.
I promised myself when I became a parent to always give my daughter the best family possible so she wouldn't have a huge blended mess of family. (if you knew both sides of her maternal and paternal families you'd understand....they do not blend at all).
I think that she is better off having a simplier family a "normal" family ...you knwo the ones from like the 50s where the question was What is a blended family?
I do however sometimes wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. If I've done right by my daughter?
Here is a question for you. Why don't you get a place of your own, to call home so you have your own roots....and then be a rolling stone between both homes but have a sand dune (spelt wrong i think) to rest your head at night?
Oh how I know this situation! I lived with my Mother until my teens, then my "dad" then my step-mom when my "dad" left then my Grandma! I then moved out here to lovely Colorado and have my own place and family. This is where I call home. It is so crazy have more than one family. If you are okay with it, then that's all that matters! It is good to share though and get stuff out. =D
It's ok to be ok with it...but being honest with both households might be beneficial for all involved. As a mother, I'd want to know my daughter was feeling these things, AND I wouldn't want to miss out on the opportunity to be with her if she indeed wanted to be with me...I'm just sayin'...
This was a really interesting post. I myself have never had to go through a situation such as yours, but I'm sure your family loves you, no matter where (or how) you roll!
You have a great blog :)
Hey guys! thanks for the comments! @ canadian blogger: trust me im trying! lol. i have been saving up for a while and hopefully ill be moving into my own place by april if my budgeting skills are correct!
@be mistified: i think its always best to get your thoughts and feelings out! your situation def. sounds like it was diff. to deal with!
@ sandra: in my mind i dont see a reason to say what im feeling to my family. i know that we all try our hardest to ensure that our big family stays together when it counts. at this point being 23 nd trying to move out, i worry that my emotions wil only stress the ones i love needlessly.
@jen: thanks very much for the compliment! :)
Post a Comment