We arent allowed on the west side

A few years ago my daily life looked like this:

 - Job # 1
- School
- Job #2
- go to dads
- go out drinking do homework
- go to moms

and repeat in different orders depending on the day and the week.


My jobs, my school, my parents houses, and my social life  were all on opposite sides of the city, and so because i had to i was a trooper i would take a bus to each one carrying whatever was needed at the time, such as school bags, or clothes, or an entire bedroom and the kitchen sink. I was fondly  known as the crazy bag lady by my asshole friends loving pals.



I remember  watching the cars drive by while i sat at the bus stop in shitty Canadian weather, thinking... one day im going to be the one driving by this bus stop, i wonder what car ill drive. I would think about the simple pleasure of getting into a nice heated car in the winter time. Or how nice heated seats would feel on my cold bottom. Eventually i got one, i got misty, my chevy cobalt, with beige leather seats (heated).

I was free, no time constraints, no missed buses. No more plastic bags hanging off of me... no sir i had a trunk now!

But then i realized something. The blog worthy material i had from those bus rides was golden! i mean i was like a magnet for the crazies. Maybe it was that they could smell the anxiety off of me while i tried desperately not to make eye contact, because as we all know  eye contact is the universal signal for " yes, please come tell what the voices in your head are telling you"

Almost once a month i had a crazy person story. Well when you take 3 buses a day on average in 2 different areas of the city.... you get to see some shit.

So i thought id tell you the " ill step on your neck" story.  This is a famous story that has been retold so many times i dont even know if the version im about to tell you is authentic or broken telephone created.

This was the craziest man i had ever met... and i say man because there was a "ive slept with the president" woman who rakes just as high on my crazy scale... but thats another story. Side note: apparently Reagan was good in bed.

Now im known to  have very bad gut instincts, i mean if your crazy i probably wont notice as quickly as other people. its just that i can be a bit of a air head daydreamer sometimes

So when i hopped onto the bus one august afternoon, the fact that the front of the bus was stacked with people and the back of the bus was empty except for one  old man, didn't register one bit on my danger scale. I just figured it was my lucky day, i love sitting all the way in the back of the bus.

So i pass the passengers, all of which are giving me this warning stare, and sit in the far back across from the old man. Not 5 minutes into my 20 minute bus ride, does this guy turn his gaze towards me and whisper " stare at me one more time and i swear to god i will step on your neck" now of course i did what any other space case curious person would do in this situation, i looked at him.

I mean i wanted to know who the hell said it and if they were talking to me. Sure enough this man is staring straight at me as though he didn't say anything, and is just as startled as i am about the whole thing. So i shrug it off and look out the window. Then again in a raspy voice " listen lady you think this is a joke,  i. will. step. on. your. neck. step on your neck, step on your neck"

 A few " poor stupid girl" stares came my way over a few shoulders at that point. I didn't  look again but  i guess id already set him off because as the man gets up at his stop (side note: you don't know your talking to yourself but you know where your stop is? weird)   he stares at me and starts to chant " were not allowed on the west side, nope onnnlllyyy on the east side, not on the west siiiddeee NOPE only on the east side, ya California sucks. shut up shut up shut up." 

i should note that he was switching voices as he went on with this. One was raspy and low, the other sounded like a valley girl.

when  he finally  got off  all the passengers stayed seated,  and waited  for the step on your neck guy to stop walking in circles in front of the bus  and walk into the distance.

so guys..... do you have any crazy moments on the  bus stories?  wanna tell me?