Humans dont have wings for a reason!

I have been afraid of flying for as long as i can remember. I have had  nightmares of planes crashing, and me falling through the sky, and not once have i had a dream of flying although people tell me its the best kind of dream. Its like even in my dreams i wont take flight.


 The reason i tell you this is because my sister would like to plan a trip for her birthday in November, and all i can think about is that id have to get on a plane to go.

Now i wont allow my fear to stop me from travelling because of course i have a lot of travelling i want to do, and fear is pointless anyway, its all in your head, life's to short to live with fear.

And that's the spiel i give  myself every time i board a plane, right before the panic sets in.

Its not that i think I'm going to crash believe it or not, its that we are just so high up and helpless and the pilot always seems to point out how high we are which doesn't help. Honestly  what am i suppose to do with this type of information " ladies and gentlemen we have now reached an altitude of 30,000 feet." every time i just think " perfect, now i know how far ill be falling asshole!"


Now I've racked my brains trying to figure out where such a fear could have come from because apparently (as told by Maury Povich one morning) childhood experiences can cause deep seeded fears, you need to reconcile with these events and then you can move forward.

So i ask my mother, who has a memory like a steel trap, if she recalls any pivotal points in my childhood when i fell, or perhaps  had a scary experience on a plane?

here are the stories she told me:

 Mom :   " well there was this one time when you were about a year old, i was changing you on my bed and  i turned around to grab a diaper and you actually rolled right off the bed and onto the floor... (sorry, i should note that she paused here to laugh her ass off)  whats funny is that you didnt even cry.. you just laid there like nothing happened."

This explains alot, maybe even a little about my fear of heights.


Me: " MOM! what the hell! you leave your first born child unattended like that. i mean i know it was the 80s and all but jesus.   any other hits to the head i should be aware of?"

Mom:   "Oh this ones funny. you had a walker back then and you always wanted to be chased so you would come over to me and grab my hair and then run away.  well this one time while i was wrapping christmas presents i hear you running, and i knew you were going to come pull my hair so i waited... but all i heard was a couple thumps and then silence. When i went to go look for you you were upside down on the stairs... again no tears. "   i should note the "stairs" she speaks of consisted of two steps that separated the living room/bedroom from the kitchen and washroom area. but still!!!

Don't call child services guys, its too late for me, Ive already crossed the boarder into messed up and am clear on my way to crazy town.... kidding, kinda.

But how about you guys? whats your biggest fear? did you get over it and how? how should i get over mine?